All Hail: Thursday!

Sara Lagan
10 March 2014
AP English 404
Mr. Schwager

                              Quarter 3 CWP: Mundane Satire: The Fundamental Law of Thursdays
To whom it may concern:

   Hello. My name is Sara, and I am a representative of our county’s local Representation Awareness Organization and Club. It has come to my attention that your institution fails to adequately cover what our Organization and Club see as one of the most important facets of the lives of many future United States voters: Thursdays.

   Now, before you simply delete this email and go on with your day, allow me to lay out a few key reasons about Thursdays, and why you should care.

     Thursdays, as I’m sure you’re aware, make up approximately one-seventh, or 14%, of one’s life. However, despite spending an overwhelming amount of time in Thursdays, the majority of Americans fail to truly appreciate or realize the significance of the date—sometimes the sacred day of the week is forgotten altogether! This is an oversight which we at the county’s local Representation Awareness Organization and Club cannot stand for, and we have made it part of our mission statement to raise awareness for this issue. The ignorance which is prevalent in our public school systems—and many private schools as well, it seems, which have most unfortunately taken up this trend—absolutely cannot be overlooked any longer. If we wish to compete in a global market, we must teach America’s youth all the important skills and knowledge they need to survive in a changing world, including (and most especially!) the significance of Thursdays.

     To give you and your colleagues some background to this issue, and give you an idea as to how far our efforts have spread so far, I present to you a brief history of Thursday. (A more brief version of the following can be found in our attached PDF document, a flyer entitled “The Day Four Disappearance: What Can We Do About Thursday?” by a local specialist.) This is a condensed version of the information we propose is necessary to teach to the students of America, and absolutely must become common knowledge among the American people beginning in the next generation.

     The name Thursday is named for the Norse god of thunder, Thor. This “Thor’s Day” was a day of important religious significance to the Norse people, as it was the day of Thor’s feast. The name has since made its way into the Anglo-Saxon tongue of English as “Thur’s Day,” or, as we know it today, Thursday, after the Viking conquest of England around the same time.

     Since then, this day of celebration has only become more and more important. The very first Fourth of July, on which the Declaration of Independence was signed, was on a Thursday. The American celebration of Thanksgiving, similarly, is always celebrated on a Thursday. In the United Kingdom, no doubt the government’s attempt at honoring the day’s noble history, elections are always held on a Thursday.

     Going back further, many modern world religions consider Thursday to be of especially special significance. According to the Christian tradition, both the Last Supper and Jesus’s ascension to Heaven occurred on Thursdays. Hindu, Judaism, and Islam consider Thursdays to be optimal for fasting. This is just beginning to scratch the surface of what a beautiful lengthy history the day of Thursday has.

     As has clearly been demonstrated by the above, it is absolutely imperative that our American youth know the importance of such a day; in fact, some in our Organization and Club may go as far as to declare it a national holiday. At the very least, the sight of a Thursday on one’s calendar should incite some feelings, some reflections, about the very long and meaningful history of the day. It is a day almost everyone can rally around, a day that affects us all greatly in ways we cannot even begin to describe. Allow Thursdays to be teaching moments to children. The American people have a right to know exactly what makes Thursday so special.

     It’s upsetting to me and to other members of our Organization and Club to see such a special day be downgraded to nothing more than “the day before Friday.” We hope this email has been informative, that you and your colleagues no longer see this day like your uneducated peers may. We implore you to change your curriculum to include better education about this day. It may make all the difference in making sure the youth of America is truly well-educated. 

Thank you very much for your time,

Sara Lagan